My story so far is about a rabbit girl named Momo who wants to protect her small village of rabbit people from the Big Bad Wolf. They story starts off at night during a full moon, the village already in shambles. The wolf comes in to cause more mayhem. But Momo steps up and takes her sniper rifle to end his rampages once and for all.
So far, I am considering making Momo a wolf bounty hunter so there is a reason for the wolf to be there: to get rid of the bounty hunter and wipe out her village as a lesson. Any other ideas and suggestions would be appreciated.
The first half of the story is good. You Introduce the antagonist well and show him destroying someones house. But instead of it being a stuff animal in his mouth, you may want it to change to a bunny person. You could have that person snatched away into the woods by the wolf if you don't want to kill any of the rabbit people. The second and third acts, to me, should have more conflicts.
ReplyDeleteConflicts that could be added to the middle.
1.In the middle of the story maybe you can have the wolf chase after villagers and your protag chases him off.
2. The Hunter can become the hunted.
3. The wolf could out smart the hunter.
4. She could lay traps to catch him.
5. The wolf could ambush her.
6. If she fails to kill the wolf several times, the village could abandon her.
The ending of the story works but, you should intensify the scene. Maybe have the wolf jump or slash at her when she kills the wolf. The wolf could also injury her at the end. In addition,she could be saving a love one from the wolf at the end of the film.
The first half of the story is good. You Introduce the antagonist well and show him destroying someones house. But instead of it being a stuff animal in his mouth, you may want it to change to a bunny person. You could have that person snatched away into the woods by the wolf if you don't want to kill any of the rabbit people. The second and third acts, to me, should have more conflicts.
ReplyDeleteConflicts that could be added to the middle.
1.In the middle of the story maybe you can have the wolf chase after villagers and your protag chases him off.
2. The Hunter can become the hunted.
3. The wolf could out smart the hunter.
4. She could lay traps to catch him.
5. The wolf could ambush her.
6. If she fails to kill the wolf several times, the village could abandon her.
The ending of the story works but, you should intensify the scene. Maybe have the wolf jump or slash at her when she kills the wolf. The wolf could also injury her at the end. In addition,she could be saving a love one from the wolf at the end of the film.
Your overall story is clear - "Momo wants to protect her small village of rabbit people from the Big Bad Wolf". However, I'm confused about why Momo waits to shoot the Big Bad Wolf? I don't understand why the wolf would come back to the town that's already in shambles either? Maybe if he's rampaging the town and then she grabs her gun while he's in the middle of destroying the place.
ReplyDeleteThe story feels too clean, too expected. What makes Momo unique? What's so appealing about the Big Bad Wolf? We also need that moment where Momo has to be at the lowest low, where the audience believes that Momo might not make it. I suggest maybe playing with the weapon choices that Momo has. Maybe, as a friend suggested, having a carrot on a string for a weapon. It could be used as flail, but it's something that people wouldn't expect to be used as a way to win against the Big Bad Wolf.
This reminds me of a movie called Hood Winked, you should check it out if you haven't, but the overall story is pretty clear. The only thing I can find is the conflict between her and the world need to be more stressed.
ReplyDeleteYour story gets the point across but i feel you could show us more about this bounty bunny character. The characters in your story needed more motivation to kill the wolf also think you could start your story out on the action of the wolf destroying the village or something of our main character maybe her home. Who is Momo the wounded warrior, weak kid or something else what makes Momo herself.
ReplyDeleteYeeeah, bounty hunter. She could be wearing a cloak with a wolf head hood and some wolf tails on her belt. While you work on the details in between, maybe include some shot variation/camera angles for emphasis.
ReplyDelete